


Secret T'hy'la Of Vulcan - a spirk story

by magicalcookie664



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Abuse, Bottom Jim, Cute, Earth, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, Mention of abuse, Near Death, Overprotective Spock, Past Abuse, Pon Farr, Protective Spock, Run Away, Scars, Smut, Spock - Freeform, Star Trek - Freeform, T'hy'la, Top Spock, Vulcan, Vulcan Kisses, bones third wheel, character death not major, cry, injured Jim, jim hurt, jim kirk - Freeform, kirk - Freeform, spirk, star fleet drop out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-10-22 23:52:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17672444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalcookie664/pseuds/magicalcookie664
Summary: Again copy and pasting from my wattpad @celestial_yeehawsJames T Kirk, a 19 year old Star Fleet drop out who's slept with a third of the Earth's population flees his planet on a ship in an attempt to escape his abusive step father, Frank. He crashes on the desert plains of Vulcan, utterly alone and stranded in unfamiliar territory.S'chn T'gai Spock, heir to Vulcan and half human, happens to find Jim while out riding with his pet. His first reaction is to give the human to his father, so it can be imprisoned as is customary. But he finds himself strangely attracted to the human, and with his Pon Farr drawing near, he may have no choice what to do next.ON HOLD AT CHAPTER 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, another story again! This one's chapters are longer, so i wont have time to edit in the new speaker new line thing. I write all my stuff without it usually. Enjoy! XD

Jim Pov

I peek around the corner to catch a glimpse of my step father, Frank, as he's lounging around in the main room, sitting in front of the TV like a lazy old sack with a bottle of beer half way to his mouth. I slink away again, pressing myself to the wall. I can't let him see me, especially now he's drunk. He's always the worst when he's drunk. Even when mom was here, he barely hid the truth from her. Too bad she's far too busy doing work off planet to be able to care. I retreat back upstairs to my shitty room and close the door behind me. I flop onto my bed and take out my comm to talk to my best friend, Bones. He answers within the minute. "What d'you want Jim? I ain't got time to babysit your drunken ass tonight. I do have a job you know," Good old Bones, always expecting the worst. It's often true, but it kinda hurts a bit you know. "I'm not drunk, Bones," I tell him,"But Frank is," "Keep your wits about you, Jim. Don't give him no cock to suck," he replies. I roll over in my bed, increasingly uncomfortable. "Will try. Bones?" "Yeah?" He replies. I swallow,"Bones, can you help me get a ship?" I question, sitting up in bed. "What? Jim, you crazy? You're a drop out from Star Fleet. You can't just get a ship, you insane bastard," he retorts. I sigh, standing up and moving to where I have my bag half packed with clothes and things I'll need. "Yeah I know I can't, Bones. But you can," I reply, grabbing a shirt from the end of my bed with a star Fleet logo on and stuff it into my bag. "Jim, why d'you want a ship?" Bones questions. I bite my lip. I don't want to hurt him, by telling him that I'm leaving. But what can I say? A ship is something you use in space, not down here on the ground. I sigh, blowing out a long shuddering breath. "I'm leaving, Bones. I'm sick of this planet. I'm sick of this life," I tell him, throwing in a few credits and last minute stuff into my backpack before zipping it up quickly. "Dammit Jim! You can't just leave me here on this hunk of rock!" Bones yells. "Bones, I'm sorry. But we both know you have a job here. You can't just leave. I don't have nothing on this shitty planet. I want to leave and I want to leave now!" I reply, my voice unintentionally raising. Shit. Every time my voice raises I say things I regret. "Jim, calm down. You're making rash decisions. Just come over to my house later tonight and we'll talk about this. Okay?" Bones replies. His sudden kindness makes tears prick in my eyes. If everything goes to plan, I'll probably never see him again. I swallow back a sob, resulting in a horrible chocking sound. "Jim? Are you choking?" I ignore Bones' voice and press my fist to my mouth, trying to stop the tears that are already streaking down my cheeks. A sob escapes my lips. "Jim? Shit. Are you crying? You're crying. Shit," Bones replies. I want to speak, to tell him how sorry I am, to spray my story all over him through the comm, but I can't. I just keep sobbing into my fist. I want this plan to succeed. I want to get away from this house, this planet, this life. But not Bones. He's my best friend, the one good thing that ever came out of all of this. Now I'm hurting him by telling him I have to go. "Jim, stay there, darlin. I'm coming over," The comm goes dead in my hand. I just stand here, the comm in my hand totally silent, with the rucksack in my other hand, with all the stuff I'll need to get the hell away from this shit hole planet. I wipe my eyes quickly. Jim Kirk doesn't cry. He doesn't. Yet here I am, the drying stains of tears on my cheeks, standing in the middle of my soon to be unoccupied bedroom, feeling more broken than ever. I'm not certain how long it's going to take for Bones to arrive. So I stay in my room, lying face down on my bed. I want to make sure I don't ever show weakness again. I'm not going to cry in front of anyone. Not even Bones. I bite my lip. Bones. These past few years, I've got used to saying that name, waiting for him to meet up with me, listening as he went on and on about ride patients and shit at work. We shared a dorm together in Star Fleet. But in the end, none of this will mean anything in a few years. Wherever the hell I'm going to, I won't be able to remember this place. The point of this is to forget everything about this planet, this life of mine I've thrown myself into so far. My comm beeps. I roll onto my side, blowing out a long sigh. My eyes feel scratchy and sore. I sit up, reaching across my simple bedspread to take my comm from where it sits on the table beside my bed. It's a message from Bones.

BONES: I'm just commin up to your house now. Come out and meet me.

I send a quick reply before shoving the comm into my pocket, flinging the backpack over my shoulders, and leaving the room. I'll never come back in here again. Half way to the door I'm stopped by a highly drunken figure. Shit. In my hurry to leave, I'd forgotten to step quietly. He's heard me. I'm never going to get out. Panic twists in the pit of my stomach but I stand my ground, already preparing myself for what I know is to come. "Where you goin, freak?" He demands, spit spraying out of his mouth. I wince internally. How the hell am I going to get out of this? "Out." I answer in an acidic tone. "You ain't goin nowhere, you little shit!" He yells. I see the punch coming a mile away. If I had more energy, more care, then I would've dodged. Like I once did the very first times. But not anymore. I'm leaving this life behind. It doesn't matter. I stumble back, only just managing to keep my footing on the stairs. My forehead sears and something warm and wet trickles down into my hairline. "You are staying right here you fat ugly piece of shit!" He snarls, punching me again, this time in the mouth. I fall against the wall, my backpack falling awkwardly against my shoulders. I mustn't make any sound. Then he'll know how much it gets to me, every word he says and every punch he throws. I can taste blood in my mouth. It's slipping out the corner of my mouth. "Your mom can't do nothin! She don't care shit about you!" He roars. This time, I jump out of the way, giving him a huge shove. He tilts backwards, his arms spinning like windmills as he tries to keep his balance. For one short sickening second, it seems as if he's got his balance, but then he tips, tumbling down the remainder of the stairs. I don't waste a second. This may be the only chance I'm going to get. I bolt down the stairs, jumping over the groaning lump at the bottom, and head for the door, just as it opens and Bones steps inside. "No!" I shout,"Out! We're going out!" He nods silently, stepping back outside. I rush out, slamming the door shut behind me and pressing my back against it to catch my breath. "What the fuck happened to you in there?!" Bones demands, pulling me away from the door. I roll my eyes,"Guess. What usually goes on?" "We'll need to stop off at my place to give you a hypo, Jim," he tells me, taking my arm in his to help me walk. "Hell nah!" I reply,"Bones get your fuckin hypos away from me!" I shout, struggling to move away from him. "Shh, Jim. You're gonna wake up the whole neighbourhood," He tells me, pushing me on through the street. "Bones, you're getting me that ship, right?" I question, wiping the blood from my mouth. He sighs, then nods,"As much as I hate to admit it, you're safer anywhere away from that bastard step dad of yours." "Yeah. That's why I'm leaving." I reply. He gives a long sigh, before turning to face me, his ultimate Bonsey face on,"Jim, you're a real pain in the ass.. in multiple ways.. sometimes literally. But, you know, I'm gonna miss ya," I nod, trying to keep the sadness inside. I wish I didn't have to do this. I wish this life I have wasn't so shit on this goddamn planet. But it's okay, as when the years pass, I guess I'll eventually forget I had a friend called Leonard Bones McCoy. He'll just be a blurry face at the back of my memory. He'll just be a name floating around inside my head. I wipe my eyes quickly before the tears can fall. "Jim..darlin, don't cry.." Bones murmurs, sliding an arm around me slightly awkwardly. But at this moment in time I couldn't care less. I promised I wouldn't cry in front of anybody, and yet here I am, my face buried in Bones' shirt, sobbing into his chest . A lot of people could get the wrong idea from all of this. We are not romantically involved. Hell, I don't even want to think about that. But he's my friend. My best friend. I really don't want to let him go. A few minutes later, we arrive at Bones' place. The windows are dark and the door locked, his parking space empty. It suddenly hits me that he must've dropped his work and ran when he commed me earlier. It makes me feel even more guilty about having to leave him. But I see no other way out. I'm sick of this planet, of drowning in booze until I can't breathe and Bones has to drag me out, of meaningless drunken sex every other night, of every punch from Frank. I'm tired of this world. It's luckily I have the capabilities to fly off to go find another. That's practically what mom and Sam did, anyways. Surely they won't mind if I continue the family talent. I'm shuddering with cold and Bones is taking far too long to shove the key in the hole. "Ugh, it's not working!" He grunts, kicking at the door. "You've got it the wrong way around, you sick fuck," I tell him, giving him a little nudge to the side so that I can have a crack at it. I take the key out, looking at it hard. "Bones, that's not a door key," I remark, before throwing it at him. He catches it with his left hand before bringing his arm down and putting the keys into his pocket. "Oh, right. I still have your keys after... nevermind.. I have them," I explain, taking the smaller key out of my pocket and placing it into the slot on the door. It opens with ease. "Ta da. Magic.." I mumble, pushing the rest of the door open and stepping inside. It's a good deal warmer in here. A small smile plays itself out on my lips. Bones follows me inside, taking the keycard out of the door and slamming it shut. My legs suddenly feel very weak. Bones seems to notice and decides to escort me into one of the rooms he's done up for medical work. "Lie on that bed there, you bastard. Stay still. It'll take 5 minutes, tops," he tells me. I eye the bed warily before sliding onto it gently. I watch from the corner of my eye as Bones readies a hypo. Hell no. I sit up quickly. I am not having that stuck in me whatever Bones thinks. "Lie. Down." Bones demands, pushing me back into a lying position. A small whimper escapes my lips and I find myself curling into a ball. "Dammit Jim, calm the hell down," Bones instructs. I jolt as I feel the stab of the hypo going into my arm. I hate it every time. "Booones.. stoooop.." I groan, moving away from him. He sighs,"Jim, I don't like this at all. You're heading out there with nothing but a ship and yourself. Knowing you, you're bound to do something wrong. And I won't be able to save your ass," He's right. Without Bones, every scratch has the possibility to kill me. God, I don't want to think about that. "I'll be fine, Bones," I tell him, forcing a smile as I stand up. My head aches where I got punched. "What did you give me?" I ask, rubbing my forehead. He disposes of the hypo and appears by my side. "Painkiller. Take these," he says, handing me two hypos,"Put them in your bag. Only use them if you have to," I take them from him and slip them into the top of my bag. "Come on Jim, I'm gonna get you that ship,"

Spock Pov

From an outsider's glance, we look normal, nothing out of place, nothing wrong, just a calm group of Vulcans and a human having a conversation. But that is not the case. Mother is clearly close to breaking down, and I realise that unless I leave quite soon I will be next. Normally, misfortunes such as this never occur. One always has a mate for the terrors of Pon Farr. Not me. Unless we can find one before 35 solar days are up. (5 weeks) There is very little chance of that. Pon Farr is the time of mating. The most simple rule is mate or die. In 35 days I'll be dead. "Sarek, there must be something you can do!" Mother exclaims. Emotions. Most illogical. Then why am I feeling them? "Negative, ashayam. Unless Spock has a mate then he will die," Sarek answers. He's the perfect picture of a Vulcan ambassador and king. Precise. Wilful. Emotionless. "How can you say that, Sarek? This is our son! Look at him!" Mother yells, turning to me with a fierce expression on her face. I raise an eyebrow. Sarek looks at me. "What is the purpose of this action, Amanda?" He questions. She glares at him, actually glares, and stomps out of the room. I turn and stare after her, half confused and half understanding. "Spock?" Father asks. "I will go and talk to her, father," I tell him, my tone totally emotionless, before leaving the room after my mother. It takes a while to find her, but finally I do. I open one of the simple sliding doors out to one of the balconies. It overlooks the city of Vulcan and the view stretches out until the horizon after, desert plain after rocky desert plain. "Mother, I wish to speak with you," I say, walking up and standing beside her. I glance at her. It's clear she's been crying, as there are the dried tracks of tears on her cheeks as she gazes out towards the sun set on the horizon, bathing us in a deep orange light. "Spock.." she whispers. It takes me aback how sad she sounds. Surely, there is a chance I may acquire a mate before the 35 days are up. "Mother, you must not mourn so. We will all die one day," I tell her. Crying makes me awkward. Vulcans never cry, so witnessing it is a confusing and unrelatable experience. "How can you Vulcans talk of your own death like that? I don't understand it," she asks, turning and staring at me hard in the eyes. The sadness inside them breaks me. "How else should I talk about it?" I question. "Like it matters to you," she retorts, her eyes blazing with a sudden unknown emotion. Humans... They confuse me greatly. "Mother, I do not wish to die. But there is no point in getting emotional about it," I tell her. I'm going to be eating my own words later tonight. "I don't want to loose you, Spock. We've already lost your brother to the Pon Farr because no one would mate with him. Just seven... he was taken too young.." she swallows visibly and her eyes move to study my face. I don't want to look at her. I don't want to be forced to see what I have created. The pain that is caused because of me, because I'm not good enough. "It is my own fault, mother. I am 'halfbreed scum' and do not deserve a mate," I reply calmly. She shakes her head, tears shining in her eyes again,"No, Spock. You don't really believe that, do you?" "There is nothing to 'believe' mother. It is what I have been told. I must assume it is correct," I reply. I secretly thank my father for going on me so hard with Vulcan purging of all emotions. If he hadn't, I'd be crying now. Since I'm half human. "Oh, Spock..." she whispers, moving her hand slowly forward to touch it to my cheek. I find my eyes closing. "I love you, you do know that, don't you?" She asks. I nod slowly. Suddenly she wraps her arms around me and gives me a huge hug. "No matter what you are, or what you choose to do, you will always have a proud mother," she whispers into my ear. Tears burn in my eyes on account of her words. I find myself giving her back too, my face pressing into her shoulder. A few tears escape down my cheeks and leave little wet dots on my mother's clothes. I can feel her trembling. It hurts. 35 days.... and that'll be as long as I get to live. She pulls away, wiping her eyes while I attempt to look like I did not just cry a bit. "Sometimes it makes me mad, you know, about your father. All that power, and he still can't save his own son," she whispers, turning her back on me so she can gaze out across the plains. The sun has just finished setting, so the temperature is already beginning to drop. I shiver a little, wrapping my arms around myself. "Go inside, Spock. I don't want you to get sick," she tells me, but her meaning is clear: I don't want you to die before you have to. Despite that fact, I give a small nod and reply,"If you wish mother," before turning and leaving the balcony, disappearing through the sliding doors. My shivering stops as the warm air inside the building gets to work. I'm going to miss this place. I leave the room and proceed towards my own. Half way there Sarek exits one of the side doors and and gives a little nod to me. "How is she?" He asks. I'm not sure what to say. I'm ashamed that I allowed my emotions to break through, even if if was only for a moment. "I believe she is doing better than when you last saw her," I tell him. "Where is she?" He asks, his eyes darting to behind me, as if he expects her to be following. She is not, however. "Out on the balcony," I answer, gesturing behind me to the way I have come. "Thank you, son," he answers and walks past me. Tears sting in my eyes on account of the way he said 'son'. I continue on my short journey back to my room, trying the best to keep my tears inside and emotions suppressed. I slide into my room and close the door behind me. The floor is carpeted with a thin mahogany shade of fluff that has worn down over the years. I still find the carpet quite acceptable. I walk over to my bed and lie down on it, gazing up at the ceiling. I'm exhausted. I've been awake for the past few nights unable to think, just going over and over the same few thoughts in my head. I rub my eyes, blinking a few times. Vulcans only need around 5 or so hours of sleep, but that does not mean they can have no sleep. I roll over, pulling my blankets up around me. I'm a little cold actually. The weather here is that of a desert terrain. Hot days and freezing nights. Our people have adapted to these living conditions, constructing buildings that can both be cool in the day and warm in the night. I lie on my side, staring at the wall. My mother's words keep running through my head. I shiver, but not from the cold. Fear of death is illogical. But I am half human, half of my mother's kind. Humans are very emotional, and fear anything they do not understand. If she weren't my mother, than I do not know how well I would be able to cope with having a human amongst us. I don't understand how father fell in love with her. I can never see myself doing the same thing, especially as I'm going to be dead in not too long. It seems we've all given up on any chance of me being able to find a mate and survive. How am I going to find a mate cooped up in here? I sigh, rolling over to stare at the other wall. If I leave here, I have a chance of finding a mate. But if I leave here and don't find a mate, then I will die utterly alone. Do I really want to risk that? Yes. Yes I do. It's worth it, isn't it? Fear of dying alone is a human thing. I may not be afraid. We will all die in the end. I feel myself beginning to drift off to sleep, so I shake myself and sit up. I am going to need to prepare a bag of everything I'll need to take. I've made my decision. I'm leaving, to find a mate. The desert plains are harsh, but I know where all the right rivers are and what plants to eat and not to eat. I walk over to my cupboard made of yew wood (idk) and and open it, searching for the correct clothes to bring. I choose a thick warm robe for the night and three thinner slightly revealing ones for the day. I fold them neatly and place them in the bottom of one of my bags. I glance over at my bed, where my blanket is lying, messily strewn across the mattress. I walk over, pulling it gently off and proceeding to fold it. When it is folded I slip it into the top of the bag, before closing the bag with the pull strings at the top and sliding it carefully over my shoulders. Now, I must find a way to escape without anyone seeing or realising what I am doing. They may try to stop me. I cannot allow that to happen. I slip from my room quietly, glancing two ways down the corridors spreading left and right from where I am standing. I take the right corridor, walking slowly. Exhaustion pushes in at me, but I ward it away, focusing on the task ahead of me. It is vital to my survival that I acquire a mate before the designated time is up. I cannot fail. Footsteps behind me cause me to dart into the nearest door, closing it quickly and silently behind me. I cannot be found.


	2. Chapter 2

Jim Pov

"I can't believe I'm actually doing this.." Bones mutters as he leads me to the grounds of Star Fleet academy. It feels weird being back here, especially as I'm a drop out. "I can't believe you're doing this, either," I reply, giving him a little grin. I may as well make the most of the last few hours I get to spend with my best friend before I never see him again. "So, Jim, what you gonna do out there? Just fly around in a ship till you loose all power?" Bones asks. I shrug, moving my gaze up to the night sky. Each star is a possible destination. I can go anywhere. Anywhere in the whole universe. I'll be free of Frank, free of rules and regulations, free of this world. I can't wait to leave. "I dunno," I answer,"Anywhere away from here is looking really good right now," I gesture to my busted lip and head wound Bones managed to subdue. "Dammit man, don't remind me of what that bastard did to you. I might not let you go, you know?" He answers, shaking his head in silent battle. "Well I'm going weather you want me to or not," I answer sharply,"Hurry up, Bones. I don't have all night," Bones groans and mumbles something about 'theft from Star Fleet' and 'oh you stupid insane bastard'. I just grin and walk faster. Like I said, I don't have all night. A few minutes later we reach the barbed wire separating us from the huge warehouse of ships. One man ships. Made for short journeys, not lifelong voyages. But who's gonna know? If I just slip away from this world and into space, who would really care, except Bones? When- if, mom comes back, what's she going to do? I don't want to think about that right now. It's not her fault Star Fleet got her husband killed and now she's stuck with Frank and me, is it? No wonder she's always off planet. I wouldn't want to look at this every day either. I sigh. I should stop being self deprecating and just get on with what I have to do. "How d'we get through this piece of shit?" I ask, giving a kick to the barbed wire. It makes a strange vibrating sound as it shakes. "Jim, don't do that. Follow me," he commands gesturing for me to follow him as he walks along the side of the barbed wire fence. I sigh and follow him. Impatience and irritation are good substitutes for fear and pain. I don't want Bones to know how terrified this makes me and how painful it is to do. It's the only thing I can do. I am not staying on this planet. That is final. "Come on, Jim," Bones tells me, grabbing my hand and pulling me into a squat on the ground. "Here, there's a hole. I'll crawl in first then you go after, okay?" He tells me. I nod,"Okay," I watch, wrapping my arms around myself in order to stop shivering, as Bones bends down and crawls slowly through the hole in the barbed wire on his hands and knees. I blow out a long breath. How come it suddenly got this cold? It is winter I guess. And I'm wearing nothing but a short sleeved shirt and jeans. I left my hoodie at Bones' house because it was covered in blood. "Jim, come on," Bones hurries me. I nod and drop to my hands and knees on the frozen ground, moving as quick as I can to avoid what must surely be frostbite setting in as I crawl through the hole. "Jim, we don't have much time. They have security patrols. We'll have to slip inside between shifts. Stay down," Bones informs me, pulling me through the hole. "God, you're freezing," he mutters. "Yeah no shit. It's like Antarctica here or something," I reply, curling myself up next to Bones while we wait for the shift to change. The wind whips through the landscape, making all the freezing grass bend on account of the force. I shiver, pulling my legs up to my chest. "You're lips are fucking blue," Bones remarks. "Shut up," I retort,"How long till the shift change?" "I thought you told me to shut up," he answers. "Ugh! Bones, this isn't the time! How long?" I demand, blinking quickly to stop tears from escaping my eyes. These are the last minutes I'm going to spend with him... and I'm arguing. Typical me. "About five min. Look, you can share my coat. Don't want you to freeze to death," he answers in a hard voice. But his words are kind. It's always been like this with Bones, unless I'm having a panic attack or dying or having a mental breakdown then he maintains his usual hard tone with hidden friendliness. It's what I like about him. I can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but it's good to know he cares enough to miss me. "Bones," I begin, taking the side of the coat from him,"I.." I don't even know where to begin. Saying goodbye to your best friend should be something you never have to do. Yet here I am. I wish things were different. I wish- "Jim, stay safe. Okay?" He interrupts my thoughts. I nod, pulling half of the coat over myself and leaning against his side. "Don't get too clingy.." he mutters, wrapping an arm around me. "I won't," I reply, closing my eyes. I'm going to miss this. Just being friends with him and knowing that no matter how much you argue with someone they're always going to have your back and you yours. "Bones.." I begin, attempting to articulate the right words to explain how much it means to me that he's here. What can I say? What do you say to someone who has always been there for you, right before you leave them? "Jim, don't cry," he answers, his voice calmingly soft. I hadn't even realised I had been. I wipe my eyes quickly, feeling annoyed and embarrassed. There goes my promise to myself again. "I'm not," I reply. "Jim, it's time. Come on, we barely have a minute," he tells me. Together we stand up cautiously in the middle of the frozen grass field and begin to jog towards the huge warehouse metres away. My limbs are numb from cold and Bones' coat slips from my shoulders, falling to the ground. We don't have time to pick it up. We reach the door in just under 60 seconds. I'm panting and shivering from cold, but I know exactly what I've got to do. "Quick!" Bones cries, yanking the huge metal for open and practically shoving me inside. I stumble in, shortly followed by Bones. He shuts the door behind us and breathes out a long sigh of relief,"That was close," "No shit," I pant, collapsing against the wall. The cut on my head has reopened again and a trail of blood escapes down my cheek. I don't have the effort to wipe it away. "Follow me, Jim. I'll get you your ship. Just be quiet," he tells me, moving away from the door. I stand up and rub my eyes with my fists. Let's just say I haven't had the best sleep the past few days. I've been planning this for a while now. I'm sick of all of this. I follow Bones as he leads me through the cold hall like area. The ground is a dark grey concrete. The walls are metal nailed to metal, connecting up to a metal ceiling made bent into many ridges. My eyes are drawn to the collection of small ships around us. They range from diddy yellow and green ones that barely have a big enough window to look through, to much bigger blue and white ones with huge slices of the metal carved out just for glass to sit in. "Woah, so I get one of these?" I ask, gazing around at them all. "You don't 'get' anything. This is theft Jim... if it were anyone other than you..." he trails off, shaking his head,"Just come on," "Coming coming," I answer, feeling irritated, yet inside I am extremely thankful that Bones is helping me. I don't know how I would be able to do this alone. "This one," he reels me, pointing to one of the larger light blue and white painted ones,"I'll show you the basics of how to work it. Dammit, you shouldn't have dropped out of Star Fleet," I fold my arms across my chest and bite back the snarky response that comes to mind. There is no point in arguing. I follow him to the door in the side of the ship. A small ramp leads up to it, spilling light from inside "How did you do that?" I ask, glancing from Bones to the just opened door. He rolls his eyes,"Do you ever listen? I told you just yesterday that I was assigned to a new ship. This one. Minimal crew, but important. I have access. I'm disrupting my job for you, you insane bastard," he explains, beginning on the ramp,"You coming?" I nod slowly and follow him, trying not to cry once again. He really is my best friend. And I'm leaving him here. "Bones... I want you to come with me," I manage. He gives a half laugh and something that could be interpreted as a smile,"Stuck in space with this asshole? Oh god, kill me now," I can see the sadness is his eyes. I grin at him, entering the ship a little behind him. I open my mouth to say something more but the words die on my lips. I glance around, in awe. Damn, do I love starships. It kinda makes me angry that I dropped out of Star Fleet. Who knows, maybe one day I'll come back here and join again. I may captain a star ship one day too.... Imagine that! I smirk a little at the thought. "Stop smirking, Jim. I got to show you everything now. There's little time," Bones orders. I sigh, "Kay, what do I need to know?" He shows me how to control the ship, how to change the life support settings to make the temperature hotter or colder or more or less oxygen. I wonder why I'll ever need to do that. He shows me how to get food and how to work the replicators. I even choose a room to sleep in because Bones threatens to link in a security camera so he can watch me if I don't promise to at least try to get some sleep. I'm guessing most of my sleep with be in the chair at the controls of the ship, knowing me. I'll just need to remember to switch it to autopilot when I start getting sleepy. After Bones has given me a full on tour and explanation of the ship we double back to the control room. In a bigger ship it would've been called a bridge. However this one is just that bit too small. I take a seat in the chair after having chucked my rucksack into my room. Bones stands across from me, staring at me in a way he's never done before. "I'm going to miss you, you insane bastard," he tells me finally, the corners of his mouth lifting a little in a small smile. I try to smile back, but it hurts. It actually hurts. I bet it looks more like I'm grimacing. "Don't worry your ass, Bones, I'll be back one day to haunt your dreams," I reply, attempting to smile for the second time. "You better be," he replies. I wink at him,"Ya I will Bonsey!" I exclaim,"I'll see you soon," He nods,"Don't forget to comm me," I give him a little grin,"Course I won't," The realisation of what I am about to do hasn't hit me yet. I know that when it does I'll be well into space, and won't be able to turn back. I glance over at Bones, standing by the exit to the ship. I stand up, walk over to him and wrap my arms around him in a hug. This is the last time I'm going to see him. "I love you too, kid," he tells me. I smile into his shoulder. We pull apart. I go back and take my seat at the controls, turning my head to stare at him and willing myself not to cry. I watch as Bones turns and heads out of the door, walking back across the frozen grass. Okay. This is it. I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on not crying right here. That's for later. I mustn't waste any time. I slide my hand forward, my hand gripping the accelerator. I know this is the last time I'll see earth. I wish I knew how to stay.

Spock Pov

Travelling across the desert is so much easier when you have a pet Sehlat. He is called IChaya and vaguely resembles what mother calls a 'teddy bear' except for the fangs and much larger fluffy body. The desert is hot, but as a Vulcan I am used to that. There is nowhere else I'd rather spend my last days than here, riding through the plains of Vulcan, the movement stirring up a slight breeze which moves strands of my hair to tickle my face. I've never felt like this before, so alive, so utterly free. It must be the human part of me. But I like it. I close my eyes as IChaya guides me on. It feels never ending, a rush of emotions and feeling and..... I'm not S'chn T'gai Spock of Vulcan anymore. I'm as thin as the wind, floating and gliding along the air. I'm weightless. I can do this all day. A small smile curves my lips. This is what it means to be alive. Much later I hear IChaya give a little growl. I open my eyes and sit back down properly, feeling the smallest bit embarrassed. It's starting it get a bit cold, so IChaya and I head to the nearest cave. Everyone knows the story of my father, the great ambassador of Vulcan, how he returned with my mother, a human, from Earth. How they were scorned by the elders and potentially exiled from the whole of Vulcan before the elders realised mother was pregnant. With me. It was only logical for them. Personally, I do not see the appeal. This very cave is the same one I was created in, meaning that they engaged in sexual intercourse in this exact cave. I do not know how I feel about that. When we reach the cave IChaya trots to the back and allows me to slide off his side. Outside, the sun is beginning to set again. The golden streaks of light illuminate the sky in a both beautiful and eery way. I walk to the entrance of the cave and gaze up at the sky. All I can think is that this is another day gone. I'm another day closer till I'll have no days at all. I wish I knew what to do. I'm only 21. I do not want to die. But I have no decision in this. I sigh, turning away from the dying day. I return to IChaya's side, pulling my blanket from my bag. I wrap it around myself and curl up next to him, resting my head against his side. He makes a low rumbling sound that resembles purring. I close my eyes and finally allow myself to fall asleep.

SPOCK'S DREAM:

Blue eyes stare at me from the unknown beautiful face, the irises shining and sparkling. He doesn't move, just stands and stares at me hard from where he is on the edge of the cliff. I feel oddly drawn to him. The slight hot breeze moves his dark golden hair around his face in little strands that look desperately soft. "Spock..." he whispers, giving a step backwards. He's getting dangerously close to the edge of the cliff. "How are you?" I ask him, stepping closer to him. I stop immediately, as with every step I take forward he takes one back. His blue eyes seem to pierce through me, so pure and innocent and beautiful and sad. And human. He's a human, I realise. His skin is tinted pink and not green. "Spock..." he whispers again, his eyes never leaving mine. I don't know what to do. Who is this human? I realise I've accidentally stepped closer to him again. He takes another step back. My eyes widen. He's inches away from falling to his death. "Spock," again he whispers. How does he know my name? "Who are you?" I ask, but he doesn't answer. "Help me," he whimpers. His legs are shaking. Loose stones slide out of the places on the cliff and skitter down to the bottom. "Stay still," I order, lifting my leg to take another step. He shakes his head vigorously, muttering,"No no no no.." I still my leg, inches from the ground. His eyes are riveted to that small gap of air. I glance back up at his beautiful face. Tears fill his eyes and begin to slide down his cheeks. "Miss..." he whispers. I want so desperately to help him, but I have no idea what to do. Despite having a human mother, and being half human myself I know little about the race. I didn't know one could look so mesmerisingly beautiful. Without even realising it, I walk up to him, my eyes grazing his face, sliding over all of his features in an attempt to imprint them into my mind forever. His eyes are as wide as saucers, and he takes a frightened step backwards. His foot penetrates thin air and he gives a little yelp, his arms spinning around like windmills as he tries his best to keep his balance. I jump forward, trying to grab him, to stop him from falling, but my fingers slide through his shirt material, and the beautiful human disappears off of the edge. Panic begins to set in. I bend over the edge, trying to find him, desperately hoping that he'll be holding onto the cliff edge or something. He is nowhere in sight.

END OF DREAM.

When I open my eyes the whole cave is dark and IChaya is gone. I stand up, gripping the blanket tight around me. It's freezing. "IChaya?" I call, glancing around at the barely visible sides of the cave. Where is he? "IChaya!" I yell, moving to the cave entrance. The blue eyes from my dream won't get out of my head. The sound of his voice... like nothing I've ever heard before from a dream creation. The dream was so fuzzy and floaty and warm and everything in reality is so cold and sudden and real. I'm going to miss being able to dream. I'm going to miss all of this. I leave the cave, using the moonlight to guide me as I search for IChaya. I'm going to miss him too. "IChaya!" I shout, shivering. It's too cold and dark to be out here at this time. But.... I sigh, wrapping the blanket even tighter around myself. Vulcans have trouble retaining heat at night so I should be heading back to the cave by now. But I can't just leave IChaya out here on his own. I shiver again. My fingers are growing numb. That's never a good sign. I can't help wondering who that blue eyed human was that I saw in my dream. Does he have a name? How did he know mine? The only reason I have such strange dreams is because I am half human. Humans have weird dreams. It makes me sad to think that the human I saw was only a figment of my imagination. It is beginning to grow very cold. It is illogical to remain out here any longer, yet all logic seems to dissipate when it comes to things I care about. "IChaya!" I shout again, speeding up my walking in attempt to stay warm. Why did he have to go? I stand still, shivering so violently the blanket nearly falls from my shoulders as I stare out to the mostly dark and barely visible horizon. How am I going to find a mate if I can't even find IChaya? The moon looks especially beautiful tonight, (um does Vulcan have a moon let's just pretend it does because this wouldn't work without it) its faint glow illuminating the ground below. Twinkling stars sparkle across the sky. I wonder what it would be like to be among them. A sudden movement to my left gets me turning and sliding my hand into my pocket to take out the only weapon I have. The tip of the blade reflects the light from the sky, making it shine in an eery way. I step forward, the blade clutched tightly in my shaking hands. The blanket has fallen to the ground, momentarily forgotten. I gaze into the darkness, trying to penetrate it as best I can to find out what or who made that noise. "Show yourself," I order. My legs are shaking. I'm so cold I feel like I'm going to pass out. I point the blade into the nothingness ahead of me, my eyes never giving up their searching. "IChaya!" I exclaim, as his huge furry shape begins to walk out of the shadow. He makes a happy noise and hurried towards me. I slide the blade back into my pocket and collapse onto his back. He seems to realise how cold I am because he gives a small whine and hurries away with me on his back in a direction I am guessing is to the cave. "I'm fine, IChaya," I tell him, trying to sound strong. But all it comes out as is a whisper. I press my face into his warm furry back and will my shivering to stop. I can barely keep my eyes open but I keep gripping tightly onto his fur for my life until we reach the cave. I slide off of his side and collapse to the hard ground. IChaya curls up next to me, blowing hot breath onto me. "Thank you... IChaya...." I manage, before my eyes force themselves closed and I black out.


	3. Chapter 3

Jim Pov

Three weeks in and I'm beginning to become more than a little bored. Being bored makes me restless, and as Bones says, more likely to get into trouble. I've explored everywhere in this ship, and now there's nothing to do. I have no idea where I want to go, so I let the ship drift, a calm random course off to nowhere. After all, I have the rest of my life. I lie on my makeshift bed, staring up at the ceiling with my comm in my hand, waiting for Bones to reply to the spam I sent him just one hour ago. Or was it five? Time is pretty hazy up here. I don't actually know how long I've been out here, but it feels like three years, so it's probably three weeks. I sigh, moving into a more comfortable position. I wish Bones were here. He'd probably insist on doing a better job at controlling this ship than me. He'd go off to the place that's too small to be called a bridge and sit down in the chair. I would follow him in and annoy the hell out of him. That's how our friendship works. Me, a star fleet drop out and esteemed womaniser (which I hate, by the way) who's so goddamn cocky I'm even bored in space, who still has occasional nightmares from Tarsus IV and hides a multitude of scars and bruises from my stepfather. And him, a graduated doctor at Star Fleet who is unlucky enough to be the one patching up my ass every time I mess up. I realise with a pang of pain and self anger, that I wish I'd gotten to know Bones better. Sure I knew the basics, called him Bones, and spilled my secrets out to him every time I had a little too much booze, but in the end, it was really all about me. We barely talked about his job, his life, his past. It was all me, me, me. I am the most selfish person in the world who doesn't deserve the best friend I have. My comm beeps and all of those heart aching thoughts are forgotten for the moment. I roll over and open my comm. "Hey, Bones.." I greet him. My voice sounds weird. I guess I don't use it too much anymore. Only person up here to talk to is Bones, and he's pretty busy at the moment as Star Fleet are getting as many people as they can to investigate the disappearance of one of their newest ships. "Jim, I'm a little busy at the moment. What d'you want?" He asks. In the background I can just catch the shout of some person issuing orders or something. I lick my lips,"I'm bored," I sound insufferably whiny and insolent. God, is this what Bones hears? Is this what he thinks of me? I tell myself to shut up and, instead, listen intently for Bones' reply. "You called me to tell me you were bored. For god's sake Jim, why do I even bother with you...?" He grumbles. Even though I know he's joking, and I know he's said these words before, it hurts. I feel as if I've been hit, but by Bones this time and not Frank. When I was younger, I used to wonder why he hated me so much. I used to ask myself "what did I do to cause him hate me this way?" Now I'm older, I realise that it wasn't a flaw in me that probed Frank's hateful and abusive behaviour, but a flaw in him. I'm brought back to reality as Bones says,"Jim?" "Yeah?" I answer, rubbing a hand over my face. I need to sleep more. "You didn't answer for so long. I thought you'd hung up," he answers. "Well I didn't," I reply, sitting up in the bed. I'm too restless to lie down. "Jim, where are you, anyways- in the galaxy I mean?" He asks. I shrug, then remember that he's not actually here with me. "No clue. I'll go check now if ya want," I tell him, preparing to stand up. "Wait, you're telling me you're not in the control room?" Bones demands, his voice slightly distorted as it comes over the comm. "Uh, yeah. I'm going there now, Bones," I reply, pushing my tired body off of the bed. I leave the room without saying anything more to Bones over the comm and head through the highly advanced walls of the ship. "You stupid bastard..." I barely hear Bones mutter through the comm. I grin. I can't help myself. He's right, and I kinda like it. When I enter the control room I make my way to the chair up front and immediately sit down in it, allowing a soft sigh to slide through my lips. "So, where are you?" Bones demands. I groan, placing the comm in my lap, before replying,"Stop being so demanding, Bones. I'll tell you when- ", I trail off, my eyes glued to the screen or whatever that tells me my location. I've just entered the Klingon's designated area of space. "Shit!" I exclaim, sitting forward so quickly it makes me momentarily dizzy. My hands scramble on the controls I barely understand let alone know how to work. "Gods sake Jim, what did you do?!" Bones demands. I don't answer him, can't answer him. I jump up and the communicator clatters to the floor. My fingers work at the controls quickly, flipping and sliding across everything that looks remotely like a reverse leaver. My hands are shaking with fear and exhaustion. I'm such a fucking idiot. "Jim!" Bones' voice screeches from the floor. I can't stop shaking. Still, the ship moves further into the Klingon's area of space. Even though I never completed my course at Star Fleet, I know the basic rules they hammered into us when I was a participant. I know how forbidden Klingon space is. I'll be killed, and start a war. That can't happen. I don't want to die, but even more than that, I don't want to be the cause for so many lives lost, as a war will surely generate. Panic fuels my next move. A leaver, off to the left of the main control panel, is my next pick. As soon as the shiny metal thing clinks into space, the whole of the ship jerks and I'm thrown to the floor, my head smacking against the hard ship bottom. I'm unsure what direction I'm facing, as everything is turning and jolting and spinning. My vision flashes white for a second and when I can see again I realise a piece of machinery has come loose and knocked me on the head. The pain begins to break through, a terrible searing and aching pain that causes me to grit my teeth. The ship lurches again, tremendous groaning sound all but blocking out Bones' panicked voice over the comm. I try to stand up, to do anything to stop the huge mess I've made yet again, but I'm thrown back against the hard metal wall of the ship. I realise with horror that the ship is careening out of control and there is nothing I can do. I scramble across the tilting floor and make it to the chair. "Jim! Please!" I hear Bones' voice scream through the communicator. I let go of the side of the chair, my last safe hold, and lunge at the communicator lying on the floor as the ship begins to dip down, gathering speed. I wrap my hand around the comm and attempt to stand up. It's no use. The terrible jolting of the ship sends me crashing back down again. "Jim!" Bones yells. "Bones..."I manage, hating how cracked up my voice sounds. "What's happening?!" He demands. I open my mouth, to try to tell him every stupid thing I've done, every stupid thing I am. But I can't. I grip hold of the leg of the chair hard and haul myself up. Through the now dirty glass screen, I see a planet. It looks desertlike and barren. I have no energy left to care. Maybe I'll die upon landing. "Jim! Goddammit, you bastard tell me what's happening!" Bones demands. "I don't know, Bones. I don't even know what I did wrong." I reply, squeezing my eyes shut. I can't bare to see what I've done. I know exactly what I've done wrong. I should never have been born in the first place. A tear manages to escape down my cheek, a cold and wet reminder that all of this is frighteningly real. No bets you can play with reality. "Jim, please answer me," Bones demands. I open my eyes again, slightly blurred from the tears. "I'm sorry Bones. You were right. I'm such a stupid bastard.." I tell him, laughing a little at the end,"I'm selfish and I... I take you for granted and I shouldn't. I..." "James Tiberius Kirk you listen to me, you're a little shit and a bastard with goddam wit. You're my best friend. You keep on talking to me. Keep on talking to me so I know you're still alive," Bones demands. The kind tone in his voice causes more tears to escape. I can't do this. James T Kirk is stupid. "Jim," "Bones... " "Don't you dare fucking die, you insane bastard," he growls. "You can't guarantee anything in life, Bones. You should know that," I reply, clutching the communicator to my chest as the ship goes down and down. The screen fills with flames as the ship begins to burn up upon entering the atmosphere. "Where are you, darlin? Bones asks, his voice soft and gentle. I want to cry again. "I don't know, Bones. It's a desert planet- and I'm heading straight for it," I manage, swallowing down my sobs. James T Kirk is not afraid. "Dammit, can you control the ship? You need to get out of there!" Bones exclaims. A small sigh escapes my lips, and I reply,"I'm already stuck in the atmosphere. The ships burning up," "God," Bones replies,"Keep me informed about what's happening, Jim," I nod,even though I know he can't see it, and reply,"I will, Bones," I'll keep talking till I can't. I brace my hands on each arm of the chair, digging my nails in as the ship gains speed. A drop of sweat slides down my face. It's getting pretty hot in here. "God, its hot," I groan, keeping my eyes fixed on what little of the planet I can see through the flames on the other side of the glass. The ground is becoming closer and closer. "Bones, I'm going to cash," I manage, how I keep my voice stable I don't know. "Jim, this is my fault. I should never have let you go out there in a fucking ship..." I can hear the regret in his voice. I've been there before. Regret. The last thing you ever feel. You'd think it would be fear, or pain, or something else less self contained. But it's regret. When you die, you still hold on to that last thought that things wouldn't be that way if you'd done something different. You believe that you caused it. Or at least, that's what I do. I squeeze my eyes tight and brace myself. "Jim, please. What's happen-" I cut Bones off, or there's not going to be enough time. "Bones! It's not your fault. I'm the one who wanted to leave in the-" the ship gives a tremendous jolt, and I'm flung out of the chair. My head hits something terribly hard and everything goes black. Some part of me wonders what Bones thinks now.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

The first thing I realise when I open my eyes is that I'm not dead. The second thing I realise is that everything hurts, really hurts. I attempt to sit up, causing my leg, which is curled under me in an odd position, to seriously fucking hurt too. I crash back down against the rubble, blowing out a breath between my teeth. My leg is definitely broken. I turn my head in an attempt to see some more of my surroundings. My mouth gapes open when I realise that half the ship has been ripped away in the crash and seems to be somewhere a few miles away in the distance. I'm lying in a broken shell of a ship- half of one- my leg is broken, my head aches terribly from getting bludgeoned against the stupid wall, and I feel kinda nauseous. It doesn't help that half of me is stained in my own blood. I attempt to stand up again, bracing my shaking hands either side of me and latching against the tougher parts of the rubble. After a lot of work I mange to get into a kind of standing position. The ships totally wrecked. I limp out of the wreckage and gaze across at the deserted plains. Sand - reddish orange - as far as the eye can see, right up to the horizon. I sigh. I'm stuck in a dry boiling hot desert. I turn away and begin searching the wreckage for my communicator. When I finally find it I realise that it was a waste of time. It's kinda broken nearly in half. I stuff it into my pocket and limp back out again. Gazing back along the horizon, I spot something. A dark shape. A cave! Of course. I push off from the edge of the wreckage and begin towards it. I begin to notice that I'm making a trail of blood across the sands. It shines like a wet ruby in the blinding light of the sun. I limp on, wincing every time my foot brushes against the ground. All I have to do is hope I get to that cave in time.

Spock Pov

After a few weeks in the desertlike plains of my own planet, I find myself sliding into a causal routine. Every morning I get up just as the sun rises and leave with IChaya to find more food. You'd be surprised what plants grow in a climate as harsh as this. As a Vulcan, I am physically able to survive in these conditions, though the heat is a little uncomfortable. I usually spend all of the day out riding on IChaya. I collect food for the next few days and sometimes - okay, maybe all the time, I close my eyes and allow IChaya to go as fast as he can. It always gives the same results. That unique and wonderful feeling I experience every time we go fast enough to stir up a cooling breeze. Every time the sun sets, we head back to the cave with the orange ball illuminating the horizon ahead of us, natures guide. The sun is beginning to set again so IChaya and I start heading back to the cave. The sun ahead of us bathes us in a deep orange light, and the heat begins to leave the air. When I reach the cave I slide off IChaya's side and allow him to enter the cave before me. He doesn't, instead steps a little back from the cave mouth and emits a low growling sound. I glance at IChaya, cautiously stepping into the cave. Immediately I notice what seems to be red marks staining the floor, colour and substance terribly similar to that of human blood. I step closer, avoiding the red stuff. I look up from the ground. The red stuff is human blood. In front of me is a human male, looking around my age, maybe a little younger. I freeze, barely daring to breathe. His eyes. They're the same as the human's from my dream not that long ago. Immediately, hundreds of thoughts begin to race though my head. I know exactly what I need to do. However, it is significantly different from what I want to do. My mother was an exception, being mated with my father the time they were discovered. I find it pretty convenient, actually. I desperately need a mate to survive, and the only way this human is going to get out of here alive is by being my mate. Coincidence? I step a little closer to the human. He looks badly injured, the way he's sitting, shaking slightly, the blood staining him still wet. The logical thing would be to take him back to my father and allow him to dispose of the human in the most painless way possible. But- I can't. The human seems to finally notice me, his alluring blue eyes flirting up to lock with mine. In them I see fear and pain. "Please don't hurt me... whatever you are," he pleads, giving a little shiver. I double back. Hurt him? How can I? He is injured and completely submitted to my control. I wonder how he got here. "What is your name, human?" I question. He seems to think about it for a moment, a flash of hostility glinting through his blue eyes. "Why d'you want to know?" He replies, wrapping his arms around himself. I glance back at the cave mouth where IChaya is still waiting, his eyes fixed on the human. "I am Spock. I wish to know your name because I find it rude to keep calling you 'human' all of the time even though you are one," I answer, motioning for IChaya to enter the cave. He does, taking small fitful steps as if he's a little afraid. Afraid of what? The human? "He's injured IChaya," I explain,"He won't hurt you," IChaya looks at me intently, then trots up to the human to begin licking gently at his wounds, his sharp teeth barely missing the skin. The human gives a little yelp, attempting to jump away. But as his leg is most undoubtably broken, he crashes forwards. I quickly jump in his path and catch him safely in my arms before he can injure himself further. He feels warm and sticky from his own blood. He seems to contemplate fighting me for a moment, but then seems to decide against it. I gently rest him down on top of my blanket from back home. He whimpers quietly, eyeing IChaya fearfully. I wish I knew his name. "IChaya will not hurt you. He was simply trying to clean your wounds so they do not get infected," I explain, taking a seat next to the human on my blanket. He eyes me warily. "How do you know standard? Who are you?" He questions, his blue eyes never leaving me. I swallow. It is only natural for a human to ask many questions. Therefore, I must honour his way and answer them. "I know standard because I was taught it by my mother. She is a human like you. I am Spock, the son of Sarek, ambassador to Vulcan, and Amanda Grayson, a woman who crash landed here many years ago on one of your Federation starships," I explain. His eyes grow wide,"I'm on.... Vulcan? Thank god, I thought I was on one of the Klingon planets!" He exclaims. I nod,"Indeed, you are on Vulcan," I answer,"What is your name?" I try again. He swallows this time and sighs,"James T Kirk. Call me Jim," A small nervous smile plays about on the edges of his lips. Usually I would ignore such a thing, emotional as it is, but I find I am unable to as as soon as I see it my heart begins to beat faster and I feel as though I am floating. I shove the feeling away and silently blame my upcoming Pon Farr. "You require substance," I tell him, standing up quickly and heading over to the other side of the cave where I've stored most of the food I have acquired over the past few days. I can feel Jim's eyes boring into my back as he watches me intently. He has such beautiful eyes. I force myself to ignore the thought. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit attracted to this human. My Pon Farr is in a little under than two weeks time. The symptoms start 7 days before the climax, where I will undoubtably die. I barely have any time at all. I return with food and restart the fire I have from last night. Jim immediately crawls closer to the flames, his shivering not invisible. I set the soup cooking and glance back at Jim. This is the first time in my life where I am unsure what to say. "How did you arrive on our planet?" I ask, voicing the question I've been thinking about for a while. "I crashed," he tells me simply. That would explain the injuries. "Jim," I begin, trying out words in my mouth. I want to ask him a multitude of questions, but I find I can barely say anything. "Is it always this cold at night?" He asks, shivering harder. I feel like I should hug him, conserve body heat and all that. Logic, I seem to have forgotten logic for a moment. I shake the thoughts from my head and stand up. His eyes follow me. So bright and so blue. I walk over to where IChaya is sleeping and take my bag out from beside him. "What are you doing?" Jim's voice comes from behind me. I take out one of my thick robes and bring it over to where Jim is sitting, a small shivering huddled ball covered in human blood- his blood. I wrap the robe around him gently,my fingers accidentally brushing the hot skin on his neck. Why is he shivering is he is as warm as he feels under my accidental touch? He blushes, his cheeks tinting a light pink colour as he turns his face away quickly. I retract my hands quickly, feeling ashamed. Vulcans are touch telepaths. I hope he doesn't know that piece of information. When I accidentally touched him, I felt his emotions for a moment. Fear, confusion, and a little spark of happiness that I can't bring myself to understand. "Uh, um.. thank you.." he stutters, flashing me a small smile. "You are cold, it was only logical. You need not thank logic," I reply, refusing to look at him directly."I'm not thanking logic. I'm thanking you," Jim replies. I turn my head back to face him, unsure how to reply. What do I say? 'Hey I like you and unless you let me fuck you in a week we'll both die'? No, I can't just say that. It is both improper and impolite. I blow out a long breath, turning my eyes to the cooking soup. Next to me, Jim gives a little yawn, his half lidded dark circled eyes turning to me. "I'm tired," he murmurs, yawning again. I watch him steadily, my eyes on his face, noticing every curve and every scratch or wound. Tomorrow, when it's warmer, I'll help him to the small lake close by and aid him in washing all the blood away. But I can't do it now as it's just too cold and if we, or either of us gets wet out there we will not have enough time to return to the cave before we get hypothermia and freeze. "Spock?" The human questions. I nod, forcing myself to stop studying his face. "Can I .... sleep now...?" He murmurs, dropping his head against my shoulder. I start a little, but he's already asleep, his quiet snores causing me to feel unusually warm inside. I feel as though I should protect him. The food lies forgotten on the fire as I rest Jim's head down against the blanket and proceed to curl up beside him, eventually falling asleep myself.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still reading, then thank you. It takes me time to write chapters of this length while also attending school. As a result of recent feedback, I will be editing the format of my writing starting from now. When I have time I will go back to do the same for the previous chapters. Hope it's okay. Enjoy! XD

Jim Pov

I wake up in a rush, a flurry of thoughts setting into my mind. Where am I? What happened? Who is this person lying beside me? 

For a second, I lie here, doing nothing as the warm body pressed against my own continues to sleep. 

Then I remember everything. 

I remember leaving Earth on the ship, I remember crashing the ship and I remember the Vulcan called Spock who helped me last night. 

Oh. Oh. Spock is the one pressing against me now. 

I sit up quickly, disentangling his limbs from me. Fuck. I'm so hungry. My last meal on the ship feels like years ago when really it can only be a maximum of three days. Three fucking days without food. 

The Vulcan next to me rolls over, making a small whining sound. 

I glance down at him, taking in properly for the first time what he looks like. Dark hair, a little tousled and messy from sleep, tiny pointed ears either side of his head, tinged the slightest bit green. I try to recall from my crap education what colour a Vulcan's blood is. Green.. I think? 

I rub my head, feeling a little dizzy. I need to wake Spock up, before I pass out from hunger. I really don't feel like doing that right now. I give Spock a little shake. 

He doesn't move. 

I sigh, keeping my hands on his back, while I shake him again. Spots prick up in my vision, but I ignore them, trying again to shake Spock awake. 

"Nngh!" He exclaims, jolting upwards, his dark brown eyes wide open and totally fixed on me. 

I freeze. 

"Jim?" He questions, rubbing his eyes. He looks tired. 

"Yeah.." I mumble, focusing all of my effort on not passing out. 

"What is wrong?" He asks, staring at me intensely. 

"I'm starving.." I manage, trying to keep my eyes fixed on his, so they won't close. 

"Oh, I do apologise, Jim. I will retrieve substance," 

I watch as he stands up and moves to the other side of the cave where some supplies seem to be stored. I tilt my head at an angle, suppressing a yawn. The world looks so much better from an angle. 

I can't help my mind wandering to Bones. Oh god, my communicator is broken. He's going to think I'm dead. Suddenly I want nothing more than to just curl up and die. But I can't do that. I must find a way to fix the communicator. I squeeze my eyes shut, willing myself not to cry or do anything stupid. I only cry in front of people I trust myself fully to. I barely know Spock at all. For all I know, he could have cruel and torturous plans in store for me. There's no way to be certain. 

The Vulcan returns with a bowl of what looks like soup. "It is too hot to create a fire, so you will have to eat it cold," he informs me, placing it down on the ground in front of me. 

"Thank you," I mumble, taking the cool bowl in my cupped hands. Something at the back of my head remarks that it could be poisoned. Do I really care? I've been poisoned before, and it wasn't that bad. 

Frank did it once, as a 'joke'. I had a pretty shitty few days after that. That was back when my brother was at home. He'd tried to stop Frank. He payed the price for it. We've both ran away now. He can't hurt us anymore. For some reason I can't seem to believe that Spock would do something like that. So I eat the soup. I don't want to die, do I? Actually, I probably shouldn't attempt to answer that. 

Once I've finished I feel a little stronger. The soup was mostly bland, but it's food. I'll take anything I can get out here. 

I glance around. "Where's that fluffy bear of yours?" I question. 

The Vulcan raises an eyebrow, which I guess is his way of expressing the fact that he's pissed off. "My sehlat is currently bathing in the lake nearby. I suggest you allow me to help you to do the same. You are still coated in blood," he remarks. 

I feel myself blushing, just a little. "Uh, right yeah, yes. That's a good idea," I reply, attempting to stand up. I forget for a second that I have a broken leg and use it to try to get on my feet. It crumbles under me, engulfing me in a wave of pain. I slide down to the hot ground, my face sinking to the level of the sand. 

I feel embarrassed. 

"Do not try to walk on your own. You could inadvertently cause further injury to yourself," Spock remarks, sighing very quietly. 

"Oh, ya think?!" I retort, my voice bitter. I immediately regret my outburst. He's technically saved my life and is offering to help me further. God, I'm such a selfish brat. "Sorry... it just hurts.." I mumble, feeling a warm blush coat my cheeks once more. 

"That is quite alight Jim, I am Vulcan and so am by no means insulted by anything you say," he tells me. Despite his words I catch a glint of hurt flash across his eyes. But it's there and gone so quickly I can't be sure if I imagined it or not. 

"Jim, I will help you up," he tells me, walking steadily to my side. 

I sit up, breathing through my teeth an attempt not to wince. I hate this injury. It makes me feel weak and useless and pathetic. I mean, I'm probably those things already but that's not the point. The point is now other people can know that too. 

I stretch my arm out to Spock, mumbling a quiet,"Help me up then," 

He just stares at my hand, his eyes wide. 

I sigh,"Look, I'm not in the mood for playing around. Either help me up or don't. This hurts like hell you know?" 

He gives a quick nod and takes my hand, helping me up. He allows me to lean into him a bit in order to stand. 

I glance at him sideways. 

He still hasn't let go of my hand. 

"You can let go now," I mumble, staring at his fingers. 

"I... I am sorry, yes yes.." he stutters, taking his hand away quickly, a green flush on his cheeks. 

I feel a little confused. 

He glances downward quickly and blushes harder. My eyes follow his. 

Fucking hell. He has a boner. 

I feel myself blushing now, so I just mumble,"Can we go now, pleaseee? This sun ain't helping nothing," 

He gives another quick nod,"Yes, I apologise Jim. We will proceed," 

As we make our way over to the small lake hidden between dark rocks nearby, half my body weight resting on the Vulcan, I contemplate the events that have just unfolded. He got turned on by holding my hand? I know so little about Vulcans... I don't know how to survive in a place like this, with only people like him to talk to everyday. 

I wish Bones were here. 

My fingers tingle from where they were touched by Spock's. I feel hot. I know I wanted to leave Earth, give anything to do that.. but this place is strange. It's occupants- or occupant, really, it's strange weather pattern, and it's strange food. It all screams foreign and new and not mine. I'm a stranger to this world, just as it's a stranger to me. 

When we reach the lake Spock helps me into a sitting position beside it. I find my gaze drawn to him, to his face, and his deep brown eyes as they stare at me, true worry peaking through his strong blank defence. 

"Jim, you will need to take your clothing off. If I can be of any assistance I wi-" 

I shake my head, silencing him before he can finish his kind words. I don't deserve this. What I deserve is to die in the middle of a desert, or a crashed stolen ship or just another disappearance, some other person lost in space. Somehow I always manage to do the wrong thing. I push the thoughts away, as they make me dangerously close to breaking down, which I can't afford. 

Suddenly the Vulcan is in front of me, on his knees and staring hard into my eyes, his face inches from mine. 

I find myself holding my breath. Hey, I don't want to breathe morning breath all of him. He definitely doesn't deserve that. 

"What is bothering you? You seem distressed," the Vulcan remarks, his gaze unblinking, brown on blue. 

I shudder, his close proximity unnerving me.

"Jim," he whispers. The tone of his voice causes me to feel a little turned on. 

I find my eyes dropping down of their own accord. Well. The Vulcan seems to still have his hard on, though he's suppressing it fantastically better than anyone I've ever met. Vulcans must do things differently. 

"I'm fine," I reply,"Now can we please just get on with this? My leg hurts like hell," 

He gives a short nod, before standing back up, his dark eyes never leaving me. 

I turn my attention to the water. I know that because we are in a desertlike place it is not going to be cold. However, the parts that are shaded because of rock should be significantly cooler than the air around. It'll be enough. 

I hope. 

I glance at Spock. "Turn around. Don't look," I order. 

He nods and does as I ask, staring out across the plains. 

I turn away from him and hook my shirt over my head, lying it on the sand next to me. It's ridden with blood stains. I'm half naked already, and in this boiling orangey sun I realise how visible my injuries are. I notice I have a particularly nasty cut on my side, undoubtably something from the ship stabbed in here, as a part of it is still visible, frozen in my side by encrusted blood. 

I swallow hard, willing myself not to throw up the only meal I've had in quite a while. That would not be a good thing to do. I know I should tell the Vulcan about the wound... but then he'll want to look at it, and he'll have full view of the scars Frank left every time he attached me. 

The only other person except me who's seen them is Bones, obviously, as it fell to him to patch me back up after every encounter. I think he only passed his doctors medical degree so well because he had such extra practice in unusual situations. Aka: me. Now it comes to the hard bit: removing my pants without utterly destroying my leg. 

Okay. Here we go.

I undo the button and carefully begin to slide them off, trying my best to make sure the material doesn't get caught on anything. I squeeze my eyes shut and yank them fully off, hissing a little as it brushes against the stinging part of my leg. I open my eyes again. 

Fuck. What neither Spock or I noticed before is the fact that... well, when I say my leg is broken, I ain't lying. There's bone sticking out of it. I wonder lightheadedly how I managed to survive this far. I guess when I tried to walk on it I dislodged the bone even more. 

I push the thought away, averting my eyes from the horrible sight in front of me, no, on me. The sight makes me feel nauseous. I need to forget all of this now and just get in the water. 

Slowly, steadily, I slide myself into the water from where I sit upon a small sandy bank. The water is shallow, and only reaches my waist while in I'm in a sort of kneeling position, keeping my injured leg from touching the ground. 

"May I turn around now, Jim?" Spock questions, his voice perfectly level.

The water is slightly cloudy in places, submerging parts I don't wish him to see. Yet. God, what am I thinking? 

"Yeah," I reply. 

I watch warily as he turns around, his eyes finding mine immediately. I feel a little self conscious, as I'm technically naked. But he can't see much really as I'm submerged mostly by water. I find I can't tear my eyes away from his gaze. There's something strange in his eyes that looks a little like lust. I blink and its gone. I was probably wrong, anyways. Right now, I can find nothing attractive about me at all.

Spock Pov

I stand stock still, my arms by my sides, my eyes fixed on the human in front of me. I can feel my boner pressing against the edge of my clothes. I can't believe a hand kiss made me feel this way, especially as Jim probably didn't even know what happened. He clearly knows so little about Vulcans... and yet I expect him to know this. I feel as though I am being too blasé concerning the whole predicament. I am going to have to inform him at some point of the stakes here, and what must be done to ensure both of our survival. After that, he can hate me all he wants. And I won't blame him. 

I find my eyes moving of their on accord to fix on the naked human. He returns my gaze, a little warily. 

"Do you require assistance?" The words are out of my mouth before I are time to consider what I actually said. 

His face goes a little red and he replies in a rushed tone,"Uh, no I'm good," 

I nod,"Alright," My mouth clamps shut and I'm left feeling as though I should say more to Jim, though I have no idea what I could possibly say at this moment.

Crusted red blood escapes into the water, dancing about in little crimson wispy strands. I find my eyes riveted to it, as it swirls and spins through the rippling water. The sun reflects off of the water, causing it to shine yellow and orange. I'm quite subtlety awed. It reminds me of what I'll be leaving behind in just less than two weeks. No, I will only be leaving it behind if I can't find a mate. This human may be the answer. It makes me feel cruel, thinking about it now. He doesn't even know what's in store. If I choose to inform him now, he will undoubtably leave. I have little choice, thinking about it. I'm clearly going to have to tell him at some point... but I can't tell him too soon. 

"Do you wanna join me?" Jim asks, looking up at me from where he's half standing and half sitting, mostly submerged by the lukewarm water. 

"Negative," I answer,"I do not wish to disturb you," 

He smiles, a gentle twitch of his lips in the upwards direction, but says nothing. 

I take a seat on the sand and watch him in the water, noticing every slight change in his expression. 

"I..uh.. I'm ready to get out now," he mumbles, after a while, his eyes darting up to me, unsure and flecked with anxiety. 

I nod, moving over to the bag I brought with me. I take out a thick robe and lie it on the sand next to the water. "Put this on. I assure you it is clean," 

He nods. I turn around, facing the desert and cave not so far away, to allow him some privacy. I find my thoughts drifting towards the human. I feel a huge attraction to him like I haven't for anyone else and I want to protect him and keep him safe. I barely know why. 

A few minutes later I hear his voice,"You can look now," 

I feel a tingle of nerves as I turn back around to face Jim. He looks wonderful... The sun shining in his golden hair, reflecting off the jewels on the robe, and his eyes, like clear blue diamonds. I find my breath is taken away. 

"What's wrong?" He questions, a small frown creasing his features. 

I shake myself hurriedly and answer,"Nothing, Jim. The robe suites you well," 

He gives a little smile and the colour pink fills his cheeks as he blushes,"Thank you," 

I find I can't tear my eyes away from him, sitting on the sand in front of me, clothed in the Vulcan attire, his unbroken leg curled under him like that of a small Earth animal mother has told me about. His blue eyes remain fixed on me, a light blue shining crystal hue that seems to shine right through me. I watch him blink, his eyelashes touching his cheek like little feathery individual strands, stroking against his skin. 

"Are you ready to return to the cave, Jim?" I question, pushing back the foreign emotion I feel as soon as my eyes connect with him. 

He gives a little nod, and smiles at me. I desperately want to reciprocate his smile, so I allow myself only a gentle twitch upward of my lips. In Vulcan terms, the meaning would be clear: I like you. 

"You require assistance," I remark, moving over to his side. 

He watches me, his mouth slightly parted as I slide my fingers between his. He doesn't know what it means. I know how selfish I am being, and I hate it tremendously. I don't want any distance to be put between us, as he's my only hope of survival, and I am his key to a life on this planet. His fingers feel warm as they slide between mine. I shudder. I never realised how good something like this could feel. 

I return my thoughts to the topic, proceeding to help him up. Through the connection of our hands, I remember, I am now open to the human's emotions. The first thing I feel is pain, in a few different forms. He's more injured than he lets on, I realise now, upon glancing down to his side. Before, the cut had been sealed closed with crusted blood. Now, however, after him being exposed to the water, it seems to have started bleeding again, already soaking a red patch through the robe. 

Jim seems to finally realise that I'm staring at, as his eyes follow my gaze. 

Panic flows over to me from our touching hands. 

I keep my emotions and thoughts shielded from him, using the simplest of primal mechanisms. 

"I will carry you, Jim. It is logical," I inform him, quickly sliding my hands underneath him and lifting him into my arms. He's lighter than I would've expected for a human male around his age. I realise: I don't even know how old he is. 

"Ah--ow..." Jim gasps, his head locating a resting place in against my chest. 

I do the only thing I can do: tighten my grip around the shuddering human and run. 

The last time I ran like this was when I was little. 6 years old... possibly. Mother had asked me what I was afraid of, as she considered it normal to have fears. I had told her nothing, of course. I can't remember what she showed me, but it was terrifying. 

Jim makes a small sound and buries further into my chest.

When I reach the cave I lie the human down on the blanket from last night. I crouch down beside him, my eyes finding his. His health is deteriorating horribly fast and I can't understand why. Sure, he's lost at least half or more of his blood upon arriving here, but what could cause this? 

"Spock.. the ship.. crashed ship... health equipment," Jim mumbles, sliding into a sitting position. 

I find myself desperately wanting and needing to save him. 

"What does it look like?" I ask him quickly. 

He draws a lopsided cross with his finger in the air. 

I don't wait a second longer. 

"IChaya!" I scream, sprinting for the cave mouth, sand dispersing as I run. 

IChaya appears in front of me, from wherever he'd been walking about before. I don't even stop. Upon reaching him, I sling my leg over his furry back and immediately he understands, with a glance back towards the cave. I can't bear to look back myself. 

He sets off at a sprint, flinging us across the sands under a sweltering sun. I grip onto his fur hard, my knuckles turning white as the bones press against the skin. 

The world sails away from me at either side of my vision, causing me to feel dizzy if I attempt to stare at one thing too long. 

When we arrive at the wreckage, a jumble of metal, broken lights, and white surfaces coated in sand and blood, I slide off of IChaya's back, my bare feet hitting the hot hot sand. 

I don't have a minute to spare. 

I stumble into the ruined ship, squinting as the sun reflects off of the white surfaces, assaulting my eyes. I need to stop panicking. I am a Vulcan. I am a Vulcan. I am a Vulcan. I need to suppress my emotions and do what must be done. 

I cast my eye around the destruction, searching for what at a preliminary glance may resemble what Jim explained to me. There's a bag, torn in places and rugged, lying amongst the sand and metal. I move towards it, making the conclusion that if a medical supply kit is anywhere in this ruin, it would be here. I bend down next to it, my bare knees digging crevices in the sand. 

Opening it up, I immediately spot what looks like a small pack with a cross on the outside of it. It must contain the medical supplies. I zip the bag back up and sling it over my shoulder. 

As I stand up, I start, a little off put by the smears of red all over the sand. It must be Jim's from when he first got here, not too long ago. I realise what I am doing and quickly return to IChaya, sliding me leg over his back again and taking my seat. 

As soon as I sit down, the bag over my shoulder and my fingers curled between the thick strands of his fur, he sets off again. I keep my eyes on the cave in front of us as it grows in size, trying to spot Jim. 

I seem to be unable to function logically where Jim is concerned. 

We reach the cave again, and as it towers above me, the darker rock casting a short shadow onto the sand, I slide off of IChaya's back again, adding my small shadow to the main one. 

My eyes find the human. He's resting against the back wall of rock, his head tilted back and mouth open. 

I hurry to his side, removing the bag from my shoulder. It falls to the ground. 

"Jim? Jim can you hear me?" How I manage to keep my voice steady is beyond me. 

His eyes flicker open, giving me full view of his alluringly blue irises. "Spock..." he pants, his pupils dilating as they fix on my face. 

"Jim, I am unclear with how to use the medical equipment. It is vital that you are coherent enough to inform me," I explain, moving quickly to the bag. 

He watches me, lips parted with every pant of laboured breath that exits him, and says nothing. 

I take the pack out of the bag and empty it carefully on the sand. I'm only 21. I have no idea how to save a life. Yet, his eyes are on me, watching, as if he expects me to know. 

I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my heartbeat down. I glance back at Jim. The wound on his side is barely bleeding, giving the faux assurance of things being better than they are. There's blood all over me from him and in a dripping trail from where we sat by the lake, when I was sure everything was beginning to work out. 

I look back at the human, fighting ferociously at the panic mounting in my chest. Now is not the time for a panic attack. 

"Spock.. hypo.." he mumbles, pointing at something in the sand that looks very similar to what mother described to me as an injection needle that was used in the older times of Earth. I take it between my fingers, the glass like edge feels unusually cold against my skin. 

"Stab me with it," he mumbles, his wonderful blue eyes fixing on me with desperation. 

I don't know what to do.

"Jim.... are you certain that-" 

"Just do it!" He exclaims. 

I nod, moving to his arm quickly and proceeding to stab the 'hypo' into him. 

He tenses, wincing quietly. 

"Jim, what-" 

He cuts me off,"Stab me again Spock! Quick! There isn't much-" his voice cuts off suddenly. I watch in utter horror as his eyes roll back in his head and he slumps forward into me. 

I take him as carefully as I can into my arms, preparing the second hypo against his shoulder. I slowly press it in, holding the feverish human against my chest, with his pulse beating erotically against me. 

Never before have I felt this way, such emotion towards another is... unheard of for Vulcans unless it is taking into account bonded pairs. All my life I have been told how wrong emotions like these are. Now, however, as I am truly experiencing them, I realise how wrong everything I've been told really is. 

I know what must be done, but the question is, will I be strong enough to do it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me millennia honestly. I apologise for that fact. I have school, other stories to work on, and I'm doing terribly badly in my sciences at school. Next chapter should be up as soon as possible. Thank you for not giving up on this story. It means a lot. Dif tor heh smusma 🖖


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've kinda given up on this story and I feel bad. This is the last part I've written for it so I thought I'd post it. :) Later on I may continue I just don't know really. Don't shoot me.

Spock Pov

The past two days have been difficult to say the least. I have spent most of my time in the cave, attending to Jim and attempting to ensure he is neither too hot or too cold. The last part renders futile as he seems to be switching from both too quickly for me to do anything to help.

So I lit a fire.

I stand up, gazing down at the flames dancing among the logs, all golden and orange with flickers of wispy red as dark as the human's blood. The flames cast eery shadows across the dark sand.

I move my eyes to gaze across the plains, taking in every grain of orange or dark yellow sand, searching forever for something unknown. That's what it feels like anyways.

What if Jim dies? What will I do then?

No. He won't. I will ensure his survival, for the sake of both of us. I have to. I want to. I feel so tangled up in thick emotions lately. They wind around me like corse string, as dangerous and compelling as the most deepest of primal desires executed in Pon Farr.

I know that in a few days I will start down that path. I have to get Jim better before then. We can't both die. But the reality is this: we either both survive or both die. Without me on this planet, taking him as my mate, he'll never survive the strict rules of the Vulcan counsel. As for me, without him, being my mate to still the fires of Pon Farr, I'll die and he will be left to. If he dies now I'll be left to find another mate in the shortening time period, which I've already deemed impossible.

He still doesn't know what I plan to do with him.

My gaze switches to the human, Jim, half curled and half lying on my blanket from back home. His eyes are so delicately closed, that, for a second, I fear he's stopped breathing. But he hasn't. He seems to be stronger than I had initially thought.

I move closer to him, tracing my path back across the cave to the small lump of Jim lying against the rock wall.

I lower myself down to his level, and, upon noticing his shivering, rest my back against the uncomfortable rock of the wall and gently pull him closer to me.

He immediately rests his head against my chest, sighing in the most gentle and quiet way possible. His beautiful diamond like blue eyes are closed, covered by the simplest fold of pale skin.

I fear they'll never open again.

Here again I am, a Vulcan feeling such weighted and all-consuming emotions. It's so wrong for me to feel them, yet this feels so right, holding him in my arms as he nuzzles into the crook of my neck, hot skin brushing against mine.

I smile.

Smiling? What am I doing? I'm a Vulcan. I am a Vulcan. But somehow that doesn't seem to fit anymore. The half human part of me screams the truth that I try so hard to push down.

I can't be in love with this human can I?

I don't even know what it feels like.

Jim mumbles something quietly, moving a little. His soft dark blonde hair tickles against my neck.

This is what it feels like.

I've done all I can do for Jim. I just need to hope he can to the rest.

I close my eyes, sliding down to the floor with Jim next to me as the sun begins to set.

***

I open my eyes, immediately jolting upwards. I can't feel Jim beside me anymore.

"Jim? I question, my eyes immediately moving to search the area of the cave directly in front of me, scanning the hardened dunes for anything Jim-like.

My eyes fall upon the fire, a lump of broken wood clumped together without any specific order. The flames are very low, barely more than a deep glow amongst the wood.

Curled up next to the fire is Jim.

I stand up suddenly, an unknown and unnamable emotion pulsing through me with immediate intensity. I find every single particle inside me begging that he's awake.

I move over to him, trying as hard as I can not to trip over my own feet as I reach him at new found speeds.

"Jim?" I question, kneeling down beside him on the ground.

No reply.

"Jim?" I repeat, reaching out with my arm to give him a little shake. I can't help my fingers from remaining in contact with his shoulder just a little longer than necessary.

He turns his head, slowly, carefully, and I catch the glint in his shining blue irises as they reflect the firelight, a dancing flame within his eyes.

"Jim," I breathe, as quiet as silence, as lucid as the wind,"Are you alright?"

He blinks, slow, steady, his feathery eyelashes brushing against his flushed cheeks. "Where.. where am I?" He questions, his voice as fragile as a flower petal in the breeze, ready to be stolen away with the wind at any moment,"Who are you?"

No. No. He must remember who I am. Please-

He blinks again, screwing his eyes tight shut, causing little wrinkles to appear among the corners of his eyes. "Spock," he breathes, his voice echoing his evident state,"I remember. You..." he blinks again, his terribly beautiful eyes sliding up to meet with mine.

I return the gaze, focusing on every crescent of electric blue within his irises that swirl around the epicentres that are his pupils.

My eyes dart to meet his hand as it slowly rises as reaches towards me. I remain utterly still as his soft and oddly warm -he must still be partially feverish- fingers come in contact with my cheek.

My eyes close.

"You're face is very soft," he whispers, the smallest of smiles imprinted within his words,"I like you Spock.." he murmurs.

I open my eyes again, focusing on the shivering figure of the human in front of me.

"Are you cold?" I enquire, reaching out to touch the back of my hand to his forehead out of habit to check for any temperature.

He feels cooler than before but still... hotter than me, which I believe is not customary for humans.

I begin to retract my hand, my eyes never leaving his mesmerising ones.

"I'm cold," he mumbles, his eyes moving over to where the blanket is, strewn haphazardly by the rock wall half encapsulating us within the cave.

I follow his gaze, and, upon realising what it is that he wishes, stand up and make my way to the other side of the cave. I take the blanket in my hands, allowing myself a second to caress it's fluffy nature, before turning around and returning to the human's side.

The beautiful azure blue eyes with glistening irises never leave me.

I slip the blanket over Jim, tucking it in on each side to provide maximum result.

And still, his alluringly attractive eyes remain fixed on me.

"Spock.." he whispers, with such a fragile, gentle voice that it almost causes my heart to break.

What is going on with me?

Pon Farr. I blame Pon Farr.

I do not wish to be stripped of my logic and control yet. I want- need, just a little more time sane with this human. I need a little more time.

There's so little left.

And he still has no idea.

I check his temperature again and slide up beside him, my side brushing against his.

He giggles quietly, seemingly what mother would say 'out of it' at present. His eyes close, resembling the shape of small half crescent moons.

I smile. Yes, smile.

These past days have brought on changes for both of us.

"Jim," I begin, turning my attention back to the swaying human.

"Shhhhhh," he whispers, his eyes still remaining closed,"Hold my hand and don't say nothing..."

I pause.

"Spakkkkkkk!" He whines, thrusting his hand in my direction, his smile dipping a little, just that bit closer to a frown.

I slide my fingers between his, stroking the tips across the sides of his hands.

He has no clue what any of this means. How can he be so oblivious, so innocent, so calm? How can he not know? How can I continue to withhold the information from him? Why did I in the first place?

All I know is that I desire him, care for him and need him in order to survive Pon Farr.

Humans would call this love.

Is that reason enough?

"M'tired.." Jim mumbles, curling up next to me, resting his head against my chest, his fingers still limply intertwined with mine.

I hold him in my arms and even though I am not tired, I sleep.

***

It seems to be hours later that I awaken, blinking my eyes a few times to become accustomed to the clear brightness, signifying to me that it is indeed day now instead of night.

I glance down at the human, curled up in my arms, his dark blonde head resting against my chest as he snores quietly.

The smallest of smiles twists my lips. I move my arm to cradle him, using my other to carefully stroke my fingers through his soft hair.

"Mmm.. s'nice.." the human mumbles, curling closer into me, his arm reaching out lazily to link his fingers through mine.

I blush.

It feels so right, so perfect, half lying here with Jim in my arms, his fingers locked forever between mine.

I lower my face to his level and touch the smallest of human kisses to his warm cheek. "You are perfect.." I whisper, before moving away again.

He smiles, his eyes fluttering open, exposing his vibrant blue irises. "Spock," he whispers, in return, his eyes flicking back and forth as he searches my face.

"Yes, Jim?" I question, unable to prevent the smile that cuts across my face, a dangerous and deeply glorious thing.

"I love you.." he mumbles, resting his cheek against my chest, a soft weight that barely ails me at all.

Truly beautiful.

He really, undoubtably is.

I wish I knew how to say it.


End file.
